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We recently saw a series of powerful and thought-provoking tweets by Canadian cannabis activist Dana Larsen who posed the question “What if coffee and caffeine were banned tomorrow?”
Dana is the previous editor of Cannabis Culture in Canada, working alongside Marc Emery from its launch in 1994 until 2005.
He is also a very prominent cannabis activist, with a strong political career working towards legalisation in Canada.
Recently Dana tweeted something which really made us think, and we hope that it will make prohibitionists think too. So if you know somebody who thinks cannabis should remain illegal but loves to drink a cup of joe in the morning, well, now you more ammo for your argument:
Read Dana’s series of tweets below:
Imagine if we banned coffee & caffeine tomorrow.
Some coffee drinkers would quit.
Others would buy black market coffee beans at high prices.In 5 years we’d see a thriving black market in synthetic coffee & caffeine pills.
In 10 years we’d have some people injecting caffeine.— Dana Larsen (@DanaLarsen) May 27, 2018
We’d spray poisons over coffee fields in South America.
We’d send troops to burn their coffee plantations.
We’d help install dictatorships as long as they promised to wipe out the coffee trade.
Coffee beans would be $1000 a pound so poor farmers would all want to grow it.
— Dana Larsen (@DanaLarsen) May 27, 2018
In a few decades we’d look back on products like Coca-Cola & make fun of how they used to sell deadly caffeine-laden beverages to children!
Some people would risk growing coffee plants under lights at home.
Other people would get sick & die drinking fake, contaminated coffee.
— Dana Larsen (@DanaLarsen) May 27, 2018
Some people snort pure caffeine now. But they’re a minority and it’s very rare.
Most people prefer to take caffeine in a drink than in a snorted powder.
But if coffee was banned, many coffee drinkers would switch to snorting caffeine.
And some would switch to injecting it. pic.twitter.com/WMpclwJ39p
— Dana Larsen (@DanaLarsen) May 27, 2018
If we apply this logic to other substances, we see that LEGAL COCA TEA would reduce the number of people snorting and injecting cocaine.
We also see that LEGAL OPIUM TEA would reduce the number of people snorting and injecting opiates.
End prohibition on coca tea and opium tea!
— Dana Larsen (@DanaLarsen) May 27, 2018
85% of us use caffeine daily.
If caffeine was banned, we’d only need to see 1% of current caffeine users switch to snorting and injecting for this to become a major public health crisis.
— Dana Larsen (@DanaLarsen) May 27, 2018
Of course there would be coffee activists, a “Free the Bean” movement.
They might even have protests at Sunset Beach & the Art Gallery.
Some cranky people would complain about awful smell of roasting coffee & how all these jittery people will be driving home after the protest.
— Dana Larsen (@DanaLarsen) May 27, 2018
Some people would want to legalize coffee, saying brewed coffee is safer than injecting caffeine.
Cops & politicians would say allowing supervised coffee sites sends wrong message to kids.
They’d say once you start on coffee, you’ll end up injecting caffeine and overdosing.
— Dana Larsen (@DanaLarsen) May 27, 2018
Maybe a politician would promise to legalize coffee, with strict regulations.
You can only buy 3 cups of coffee a day.
You can’t drink coffee near schools or daycares.
Coffee can only be served in childproof cups.
No milk or sugar allowed, so kids won’t like the taste.— Dana Larsen (@DanaLarsen) May 27, 2018
Landlords would ban grinding beans or percolating coffee at home, because of smell & danger.
Govt would run ads warning against home coffee brewers:
Roasting beans releases toxins!
Coffee grinder has blades that can chop off fingers!
Children can be scalded by hot coffee!— Dana Larsen (@DanaLarsen) May 27, 2018
Police would demand a roadside blood or saliva test to determine caffeine levels.
Media would give front page headlines to studies showing that people who snort huge amounts of caffeine before driving have more car accidents.
— Dana Larsen (@DanaLarsen) May 27, 2018
Politicians would admit to “experimenting” with coffee back in college.
They’d say they tried it but it just wasn’t their thing.
They’d say they prefer amphetamine pills or coca tea or whatever coffee alternative is legal in their reality.
— Dana Larsen (@DanaLarsen) May 27, 2018
Every few months there’d be a media scare story about kids and caffeine.
HOW TO TELL IF YOUR CHILD IS MAKING AN ESPRESSO MACHINE.
CRAZY NEW TEEN TREND: COFFEE ENEMAS!
AFTER SCHOOL COFFEE CLUBS, WHAT EVERY PARENT NEEDS TO KNOW!
— Dana Larsen (@DanaLarsen) May 27, 2018
Parents would take their kids to treatment for their caffeine addiction, where doctors would prescribe Ritalin and Valium to keep the kids off caffeine.
— Dana Larsen (@DanaLarsen) May 27, 2018
Women who drank coffee while pregnant would be vilified & scorned.
We’d see stories in the news about “Coffee Babies” born hooked on caffeine.
We’d read about how caffeine gets into breast milk & turns babies into addicts.
— Dana Larsen (@DanaLarsen) May 27, 2018
They’d stop calling it “coffee” and start calling it something more foreign and dangerous, like “Kaf.”
PARENTS!
LEARN THE KAF SLANG!
DO YOUR KIDS SAY THESE WORDS?DOUBLE DOUBLE
STAR BUCK
“GOING TO MEET JOE”
CUPPA JOE
WAKEY JUICE
CUPPED LIGHTNING
BLACK GOLD
BEANER
MILK AND BEANS— Dana Larsen (@DanaLarsen) May 27, 2018
Govt & police would tell parents that coffee is different now then when they were young.
They’d say people used to only drink weak home brew coffee with low caffeine.
But since the coffee ban, caffeine levels have skyrocketed, so now they definitely can’t allow it!
— Dana Larsen (@DanaLarsen) May 27, 2018
Wealthy people would all have a stash of coffee beans at home. Sometimes they’d have “Coffee Parties” for their elite friends.
Poor people would get stopped on the street & searched if a cop claimed they smell like coffee.
— Dana Larsen (@DanaLarsen) May 27, 2018
In a world where coffee was against the law…
Cops would do random “Stop & Pop” street checks, targeting minorities and poor neighbourhoods.
They’d “Stop” people and make them “Pop” off the lid of their tea or water bottle, to prove that their beverage isn’t actually coffee.
— Dana Larsen (@DanaLarsen) May 27, 2018
In a world where coffee was against the law…
Wealthy people would buy “the good stuff”: pre ground “coffee” that’s 20% real beans & 80% filler.
“Street coffee” would be all filler: sawdust mixed with synthetic caffeine that someone made in their basement.
— Dana Larsen (@DanaLarsen) May 27, 2018
In a world where coffee was against the law…
There’d be groups of teens with t shirts saying BEAN4LIFE and C8H10N4O2, passing around a big cup in the parking lot during lunch break at high school.
Kids who were suspiciously alert in class could be expelled for coffee abuse.
— Dana Larsen (@DanaLarsen) May 27, 2018
In a world where coffee was against the law…
People would go to Amsterdam to visit their coffeeshops… just for the coffee!
— Dana Larsen (@DanaLarsen) May 27, 2018
This series of tweets certainly highlights the stupidity of continued prohibition when it clearly makes everything about drugs more dangerous.
If something as innocuous as coffee has the potential to be treated in this way, yet is relatively fine and safe as an accepted part of society, then it is high time we took a look at another substance – cannabis – which has never killed anybody – and our approach to those who consume it.
Free the herb!
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