How to Be a Top Secret Stoner

11 mins read

#6. A Medical Marijuana Card

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Why, you may ask, would you need a license to smoke weed secretively and go undetected? Truth is, you don’t. But if you live in a region of the world where it is actually legal to enjoy cannabis for medical reasons, it feels safe to have this type of protection in your wallet. Knowing that there’s a good chance that the police officer might just let you go or confiscate your weed then let you go as opposed to potential jail-time or a fine can greatly alleviate the nerves and paranoia of being high in public, especially around law enforcement!

Also, getting a medical cannabis card is a great way to vote your rights and freedoms, which can be very empowering knowing that you are taking a stand for your lifestyle. United we stand, divided we fall. Solidarity, brother.

#7. A Change of Clothes/a Fresh Shirt

You don’t want to smoke weed in a closet-sized space for 10 minutes, then walk out and go about your business. You’re going to smell, actually you’re going to be begging to be caught. So don’t light up in small enclosed spaces. But if you have to, then have a change of clothes or a shirt waiting for you in a smoke-free zone.

#8. Stay Well-Hydrated

It’s amazing how dehydration can make you look like a real downer. Not just in the summer months, but year-round you need to make sure you are getting enough water. Water, besides comprising the majority of molecules in your body, keeps your body’s temperature and heart-rate normal, and makes you feel fresher and more energetic. The easiest way to tell if you are taking in enough water is if your urine is clear and not yellow or orange. Always drink water throughout your day, it is nature’s best detox and body cleanser.

#9. Stay Well-Hidden

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Get into the habit of smoking in an almost military or tactical way whenever you are in public or else you could face some legal repercussions. You must be 100% aware of your surroundings. Are you in a car late night trying to smoke? Be quiet and don’t have any lights on or loud music that would attract attention. Are you in an area where there are people walking around? Take your one-hitter and light up a quick toke, then put it away, hold in the smoke, and let it go when the coast is clear.

#10. Be Confident in Yourself and How You Communicate

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Actor James Franco, not-so-secret stoner, goes undetected

If you’re going to be on the wacky tobacky out in public doing your thing and functioning well, then you’re going to have to carry yourself as if you were not high!

This sounds harder than it is. The human mind is a powerful thing, and if you can project “normal” in your own mind, feelings, and thoughts, then you’re not going to have a problem getting others to believe you. So put on a natural smile, stand and walk tall and be happy to talk to others. Monitor if you slur your words or if your communication style or manner of speaking change for the worse when you get high. Then work on any issues you may have. Remember, just because you like to smoke weed doesn’t mean you should burden others with confusing talk or a drastically altered style of speaking that could be alarming or just downright inconvenient. Be considerate of others and be happy and you’ll have no problem. Nothing says “I’M HIGH” like walking around like a stoned zombie, paranoid someone is going to catch you buzzin off that THC cousin!

Remember to always wear a smile and be happy, it throws most people off anyway.

Now you’ve got the hang of it! What are you waiting for? Get out there and do your thing!

Stay healthy and smoke stealthy 🙂

brought to you by Pat RIOT

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