How to Be a Top Secret Stoner

Your mission, should you choose to accept it, is to go out in the real world undetected and thrive among the people as a functional stoner. If you enjoy cannabis around the clock then you must learn how to walk among the public without getting caught with the ever-annoying “Are you high?”, blowing your cover, your high, losing your job, or just plain making an ass of yourself.

We all have jobs, we all go out in the world to run errands or to just enjoy the day however we choose. We as responsible stoners should all know how to function at 100% among the general public maintaining our freedom and the consideration of others.

Do not fear, everything you will ever need to smoke like a secret agent is right here.

What you will need to be a Top Secret stoner

#1. Eye drops

A dead give-away of smoking weed is red eyes, and it’s also quite avoidable. Whenever you smoke, smoke only enough to get a buzz then stop. Apply a drop or two of maximum redness relief Vizine, then roll your eyes around clockwise in your eye sockets, ensuring you are giving your eyes a healthy stretch. Then rotate your eyes counter-clockwise and blink really hard several times. You are increasing healthy and normal blood-flow in your eyes when you do this, and this decreases the veins in your eyes from standing out as much.

2. Cologne/body spray

This is essential, but you shouldn’t overdo it either. Just one small spray of cologne or some type of fragrant body spray can give you a nice smell. Fortunately, unlike cigarette smoke which is overwhelming, as long as you’re not lighting up and smoking out in an enclosed space, you should increase your likelihood that scent will never be an issue for you.

#3. A One-hitter

It looks like a normal cigarette, but it isn’t. When you’re out and about, maybe about to go into work or going to catch a movie or go to a bar, you want to smoke some gonja but you can’t bust out your 3 foot custom made bong with 10 carburetors on the street and start doing the happy dance. You’re going to need something small, and if it looks like a cigarette, you’ll look like the average person smoking a cigarette. This one’s big and if you get a nice one-hitter you’ll feel a new sense of security and confidence in public with your cannabis.

Another side-benefit of a one-hitter- decreasing overall marijuana intake and conserving your precious weed stash. With one or two hits here or there, you’re not sitting around toking mad bowls or smoking an entire joint. You’ll find surprisingly that you don’t need that much weed to feel how you like! Save money while having more for later all at the same time.

#4. A Neti Pot

This thing is amazing. As a weed aficianado who appreciates several tokes a day, you’re going to be passing a lot of plant material through your body, especially your sinus cavity. When you smoke, you’re taking in tiny plant particles and other particles from the smoke in the back of your mouth, throat and lungs. This “gunk” is going to build up in your nose and sinus eventually, and even restrict your breathing potentially. Believe it or not, this will have a visible effect on your face. You want to look like you don’t smoke, so keep your sinus (your human air filter) clean on a regular basis. You’ll breathe easier and avoid the droopy low-air breathing countenance that comes with smoking marijuana.

#5. Overall Good Health

There are many types of stoners in this world. Many people smoke weed but you don’t always know who they are. The most athletic and fit among us often smoke weed, but it’s hard to tell because they are in great shape, so we don’t normally (or automatically) associate or even pre-suppose cannabis use. Healthy, positive and cheerful people are usually taken by others as being “normal”.

There are several things you can do to have good health:

• Intense exercise 3-4 times a week.

• Eating lots of fresh fruits and vegetables, and eating foods like baked fish. Eating chili peppers raw will also greatly decrease your appearance of being a stoner because the heat in the peppers light up and relax your face! No more stoner auto-frowns :)

• Stay active. Have goals, go to work, try to make more money, follow your dreams, stay busy and have fun. Don’t sit on the couch and vegetate.