Stoner Guide To Surviving a Zombie Apocalypse

Stoner supplies

, Stoner Guide To Surviving a Zombie Apocalypse
Ok, bearing in mind that this is ‘The Stoner’s Guide To Surviving a Zombie Apocalypse’ I thought that stoner supplies deserved its own section.  Whilst the following things might not be essential in keeping you alive, they most certainly will improve your ‘living experience’ as you try to wait out the zombie apocolypse:

  • Rolling box – why not think ahead? I’ve got a rolling box with a tray inside to roll my spliffs.  I’m also a messy roller.  The result? Lots of what I like to call my ‘End of the world weed’ – a general mixture of dried tobacco and old grinded up bits of weed that would have otherwise been lost forever on my carpet.  Whilst I don’t generally want to smoke this, and will avoid it unless necessary, if a zombie apocalypse does end up occurring, I’ll be happy to have it if I’m still alive by the time my main stash of chronic runs out.
  • Chocolate / sweets / other sugary shit – A must have for most stoners, the munchies are a bitch when you don’t have anything sweet to satisfy your taste buds.  Try to be conservative with your munch – I personally can get through the majority of a pack of biscuits in one sitting, but this just wouldn’t be practical in a survival situation.
  • Lighters and boxes of matches – remember, being a stoner – fire is your friend.  You’re going to need to light all those spliffs – not much is worse than having a spliff and no way of lighting it!
  • Lots of king skins and other general rolling equipment.
    Tobacco – So the world’s going to end and you’ve got a dirty habit.  It’s not one you’ll likely want to go cold turkey on!
    Shit to do – magazines, maybe even a Gameboy (retro) and lots of batteries. In times of boredom (obviously during lulls from the panic induced by frequenting walking corpses), pokemon will keep most stoners content for hours on end.  Make sure you have earphones though, noise levels could be an important factor in avoiding detection.
  • Cannabis seeds – fuck the law son, the whole world has gone to shit.  It’s not like MacGyver is going to be running around outside, fighting off zombies and busting cheeky cannabis growers.  Now is your time to shine, plant those seeds and grow your own! If you can survive the plant cycle, that harvest will taste oh-so-sweet.  Obviously there is not telling how long the power supply will last, which could ruin your plants, but it’s worth a try.  Also, you better hope that the zombies don’t have some weird attraction to the smell of ganja, because a lot of strains will stink out the house/flat/general street area.
  • Digi-scales to weigh your herbs – if you’re going to be rationing yourself, it makes sense to use scales to make sure you know how much you are smoking, and therefore how long it will last at your smoking rate.  That way you can decrease the ration if necessary to make it last longer.
  • Music – Life is better with music, and good songs have the power to improve your mood or relax you, and help take your mind off of current events.  Make sure you have some earphones – it almost goes without saying that loud music is a no-no when you are trying to avoid detection.  As a stoner, might I suggest some reggae – Will Smith has the right idea in ‘I Am Legend’, singing Bob Marley’s “Don’t worry” when shit gets tough.
  • Jewellery – If the world goes to crap, money is going to lose its value pretty quickly (see 28 Days Later – there are wads of bank notes littered over a deserted London).  Nice-looking jewellery (and gold in general) may still be worth a pretty penny, i.e. useful supplies that could keep you alive for longer.  As a stoner, your ultimate goal will no-doubt include scoring some more weed if you ever get the chance, and having a nice gold ring / watch to bargain with could be a game changer if ever such a situation arose.